Some days I get a longing that is so strong, so poignant for something or some place. I long it find a special place or a special person.
I go to the web, which has such valuable, wide flung information and I want to type in “my happiness” in the search bar. Surely that will bring me the answer. But no, it only brings other peoples’ answers.
Recently, my oldest child said she felt I would only be happy if I could go back in time fifty years.
Perhaps that is it. As we age, we lose a certain degree of wonder. There are too few first times available to us. Our enthusiasm for relationships is diminished by repeated losses, whether through physical inaccessibilty or death.
And yet, I am still longing for, still searching for that moment of satisfaction, the feeling of complete harmony with another person or even a specific place.
I’ve experienced the harmony with a person just once in my life, but it was n0t to be, because he belonged to another.
I’ve experienced harmony with place a couple of times, but then the places changed, as places will, and the harmony was lost.
Now, I stare at old photos and old houses and try to jump into the past. It’s so strange.
